Poetry, Uncategorized


kate and wills dolls

People love to take the mickey

Of those with privilege and money,

But silly pranks turn tricky

And then it’s no longer funny.

Caught in the midst of a tasteless joke,

Piss-taking tragedy of late

Means that I’ll no longer poke

Fun with poems at Wills & Kate.



by Alex Barton Sept ’12

Deep in remotest South of France

Kate thought she’d like to take the chance

To lie by the pool under Provençal soleil

Sipping a fruity Beaujolais.

Apparently she lit a Marlboro Light too,

But this is conjecture and probably not true.

Pleasantly warmed by late summer sun

She noticed her bikini top come undone.

An all over tan seems like a good idea

‘I’m sure no one can see me from over here’.

Unbeknownst to the innocent young thing

A paparazzo’s lens was zooming in.

‘Sacré bleu’ and ‘Oh là là’,

The Duchess of Cambridge without a bra!

The Duke of Cambs said ‘We’re not amused

That our right to solitude has been abused.

Kate has been snapped without her top

Intrusion like this has got to stop!’.

Invasion of privacy: quelle horreur;

They’re out to get that editeur.

Photos that caused shock-waves and ripples

At the unusual sight of royal nipples.

The French think they need to keep it real

Bare boobs in France are no big deal;

Typically British to be such a prude

We do it all the time: there’s nothing rude.

The Palace feel this carry-on is lewd

And will make certain that the culprits are sued.

The lawyers accepted the case in a flash:

A job like this will make tons of cash

Most people don’t care: they’re only tits,

We’re all of us human and got the same bits.

Never mind Kate, your dignity’s intact.

It could have been much worse, in fact.

Remember Fergie all those years ago

Caught sucking that balding Texan’s toe?

Now that the unwelcome peeping’s been curbed

You can enjoy your tanning undisturbed.




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