Poetry, Uncategorized

MR BAUMGARTNER’S SECRET REVEALED

Free-Fall Felix is such a dude,

But he has a secret, so it seems,

It’s that he eats no other food

Except for spicy beans.

 

How do you think he pulls those feats?

With gravitational force?

It’s all to do with what he eats,

And the side effects, of course.

 

Imagine guzzling beans all day:

A job for any stunt-man.

In this mono-culinary way,

He harnesses jet-propulsion.

 

A special space-suit was designed

Not to fall apart,

Polycarbonate and lined,

To with-stand a mega-fart.

 

Attaining terminal velocity,

His aim to break the speed of sound

By farting with ferocity,

Before he hit the ground.

 

So you think you heard a sonic boom?

We’ll you’re wrong, my friend,

That ear-splitting volume

Came from his rear end.

 

It gave him thrust and trajectory,

And a smelly spurt.

The fastest that a man’s ever been:

Mein Gott, how it hurt!

 

They made him land in the desert

Why was that d’you think?

There surrounded him an unpleasant

And quite revolting stink.

 

He’s said that was his final trick,

But what he really means,

Is his stomach’s gone hyper-tonic,

And he’s bored of eating beans!

 

 

(you may notice a little borrowed rhyming from Spike Milligan’s Silly Old Baboon!)

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